A place for me to work stuff out and to post things that interest me.
Most of us can, if we choose,
make this world either a palace or a prison.
~Lord Avebury
I choose a palace.
~TKF
Do not let your fire go out,
spark by irreplaceable spark,
in the hopeless swamps of the approximate,
the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.
Do not let the hero in your soul perish,
in lonely frustration for the life you deserved,
but have never been able to reach.
Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won.
It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.
~Ayn Rand
The democratic society's mythology of equality with its
attendant erasure of difference is an impossibility
in an actual, lived sense.
Therefore, according to this view, this
imaginary erasure cannot achieve an
actual democracy, because a sense of
community can only come with the recognition of difference.
~Slavoj Zizek, as paraphrased by Catherine M. Soussloff
Links!
A brand new link! Check it out!
deviantART
I thought the place was very cool. Oh, and all you Alias fans, you can find a very nice wallpaper there--
or rather, here--and a gorgeous Evanescence one, too!
Watcher's Diary
Slayage; The Online International Journal of Buffy Studies
Convert just about anything
Comes in really handy when you want to convert fahrenheit to celcius and vice versa!
Links to 100s of free calculators online
Everything from your due date to how much a house payment would be to a regular calculator
Reference Guide to Chicago Manual of Style
Dictionary, Encyclopedia, Atlas & Almanac
Quotation Search Engine
Complete HTML True Color Chart
Epicurious Recipes
Inn Recipes; Recipes for all Occasions
JobStar-Resumes & Cover Letters Advice
Overstock.com: Up to 80% off most items
Ediblenature.com
Things My Girlfriend & I Have Argued About
(Trust me--you'll be laughing outloud!)
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Beyond the Invisible
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The tale of the world is like a tree.
...
Sturdily rooted in the past, the tale's branches spread out through the days that come. The many stories that make up its substance
unfold from bud to leaf to dry memory and back again, event connecting event like the threadwork of a spider's web, so that each creature of the world plays its part, understanding only aspects of the overall narrative, and perceiving, each with its particular talents, only glimpses
of the Great Mystery that underlies it all.
~Charles de Lint, Moonheart
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Saturday, July 31, 2004
Guess Who Called?
Yep, you got it. He finally called. Claims to have $1000 check that he can't get cashed because the banks are closed and he needed some money because all he had was a check he couldn't cash, $.52 and no food.
*sigh*
I sent it to him.
He better make it last...and he better give Nik her $400.
In the meantime, I'm doing all the closets, all the cabinets, the bookshelves and my bedroom this weekend. I've got the kids doing their rooms and helping me with the closets. I'm hoping to find a self-storage on Monday. I'll pay for 3 months and put his stuff in it. That should be plenty of time to get his stuff if he wants it--especially since he has a free round-trip ticket to use to come back if he wants because they screwed up his flight out.
I'm hoping to get enough done that I don't feel guilty about maybe doing something with Amy tonight. I want to get together with her before I leave. I'm really going to miss her. (Figures I finally make a really good friend that I actually live near just before I move.)
12:41 PM
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Friday, July 30, 2004
Coming out of the closet
I've been dropping hints and probably a few of you have picked up on them, but I'm just so damned happy (despite all the shit over the recent two days) that I have to just come out and say it.
Over the years that Jerry (Bander) and I have been friends, we've each been married to different people and involved with different people and never single at the same time. Not since we were teenagers, that is, when I was terrifying the poor boy with my "barely-past-pubescence" self--he had plans at the time to be a priest; I had plans at the time to drive him insane by pressing my body up against his and nibbling him at any opportunity. Since these two goals were pretty much mutually exclusive, he put his foot down (after a mere 6 or 8 weeks of my rather aggressive pursuit--he was 17 after all!). Once I got over being pissed at not getting my own way, we've been close friends ever since.
Anyway, the subject has come up from time to time that if we were ever free at the same time, we'd give an "Us" a try. A "more than just friends Us".
I admit that I was somewhat reluctant. Once women classify a guy as a friend, there's almost no going back because we worry about destroying the friendship. I'm no different. But not only was I worried about destroying a nearly-lifelong friendship--especially since I feel like I suck at relationships, I'm poison to everything and everyone I touch, and I'm apparently much easier to love from a distance--I was also terrified that I'd hurt him. That I'd do something bad, fuck up, whatever and hurt one of the finest people I've ever known. I'd rather cut off my own arm. However I finally paid attention when he told me that he was a grown man who knew what he wanted and didn't need me to protect him from either me or himself. And I finally listened when he promised that even if it doesn't work out, he'll always be a part of my life and my friend unless I tell him I don't want him to be. In other words, I took a big, scary, terrifying chance.
This recent vacation was Step One of the big, scary, terrifying chance and, so far, it's been really really awesome!
"I feel like spinning around the room" awesome!
I laid down ground rules for my own peace of mind--that I have to take care of myself--I have to know I can take care of myself. I never want him or anyone else (including myself) to think/feel that he had to "rescue" me. I'm can't be completely dependent upon him and I'm not going to make him responsible for me or my feelings. I come into this from a position of strength; moving towards him, not running away from someone else. In other words, I pay my own way because if it's going to work, it's got to be because we share our lives because we choose to, right?
In the meantime, we both know we have adjusting to do, but what can I say about a guy that's so thoughtful, he takes it upon himself to spend the day rearranging his living room so that my cat can go in and out of the back door? That he even thought of that blew me away. (Hell, I can't even imagine Ferg even thinking of rearranging anything for me for any reason!) And there are...um...other things that were/are extremely awesome, too, but he's going to be embarrassed enough when he sees this. *GRIN!*
12:00 AM
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Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Hear! Hear!
I'm thinking that's not going to be a problem pretty soon, though...no more marriage, lots more sex!!! *dancing*
Oh, and I already know what my one splurge is going to be. My Chinese symbols, on my shoulder blade. I haven't decided which order yet, but definitely going to get them.
I'm thinking I'll probably go "Strength", "Passion", "Freedom"
As for the small of my back, I'm still undecided...
(Mind you, they won't be this big, whichever I decide)
Vertical Flowers
Dragon
Sanctuary
Ivy
Spring Faerie
Autumn Faerie
Votes?
10:56 PM
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His Response to my email
"I understand the position he is in, as well as ours. [snip] I don't know what else to do. I don't get paid until I get paid, and you know we are in a very precarious situation. I'm really at a loss for what to do. I went over my expenses last night and the list below is what I came up with just for bills. I can try and live on very little but the list has to be paid.
Road Runner - 24.95 (cable modem for the computer he doesn't have yet)
Digital Cable- 16.95
DVR- 4.95 (God only knows)
Digital Phone- 39.95
Cable - 35.00
Rent - 600 (For a one-bedroom apartment! Nothing to do with it being a luxury apartment, of course)
Furniture - 186.20
Trash - 7.00
Storm Water - 2.00
Electric - ???
Gas - ???
Water - ???"
He left off Everquest ($90/6 months); Nascar some-or-other that he gets online ($30/month); whatever he's paying for his various porn sites that he visits ($no idea/month)
Of course! Now I see why he had to clean out my account, spend $1300 over that (what he borrowed and what he put me into overdraft...oh, wait...I'm another $400 in the hole now, so make that $1700), and can't possibly help me with such inconsequential things like rent and utilities! It all makes sense to me now!
(I also noticed that he left off his alcohol intake...)
Just a glimpse of what he's done to me:
Took another look at our bank statement. Even now, looking at it makes me want to throw up. After he knew we were already overdrawn, he spent another $200! Ten of the charges were to bars or liquor stores and that's just what was put on the card and not paid for in cash. $355.45 in liquor and alcohol since July 13th. $570 in "insufficient funds" charges. That's $1000 right there. And he doesn't know what he could possibly do to help??? I think we have the answer to "HOW OBTUSE IS HE??"....
8:48 PM
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What's an eviction if the utilities still work?
They turned off my electricity and my water.
When I called, they said they had a computer glitch and accidentally undercharged me for the previous month, so they had to have $564 to turn it back on.
Hope they don't drop that check.
Oh, and since it's a joint account and it's overdrawn, they won't let me take my name off the account. I did cancel my bank card again, though, so he doesn't have any access to the damned thing. Not that there's still anything in there, of course, but it's the principle of the thing.
1:03 PM
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Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Let's Play "HOW OBTUSE IS HE???"
When I saw that he'd not only spent all of my money, he'd put me into bigtime overdraft, I cut and pasted the page from my account (I can access the information and keep track of my balance, etc, online) and sent it to him with an email that said that it made me literally sick to my stomach.
He replied that he knew how I felt because he hadn't had a cigarette in 2 days. (Mind you, not one single charge since 07/15 when almost $1750 was direct deposited was from me. He also borrowed $400 from Nik and $200 from his dad. So, in less than a week, he spent about $2700-2800 if you count in the $500 my account was overdrawn--and he knows how I feel???? I don't think he'd know how I felt if I wrote it in neon on his dick!)
So, I just copied the landlord's letter to me and told him that there's a good chance we'll be homeless tomorrow. Can't wait to see his reply to that. He'll probably tell me again how he can feel my pain because he can't buy a car.
UPDATE
Got a voicemail from Mr. Cheng (the landlord)--he doesn't seem very amiable to the idea of giving me any extra time and I don't have a bit of money to give him without wiping out my savings for no good purpose. $1000 for a week and a half? I wonder if I can find a moving van...
10:08 PM
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It's Official
I'm evicted. I've been out of town and someone threw the letter from the landlord under the end table. If I hadn't been looking for something else, I never would have found it. It says that we have 3 days to pay up or clear out (3 business days, barring weekends and holidays). Since I never got the letter, my 3 days are up tomorrow. (Is that even legal--especially if we have a lease?)
I haven't a dime to give him and he wants a $1000 to consider letting us stay. I called to ask him for 2 weeks leeway, since I planned on moving then, anyway. I left a message, but there hasn't been a response. I did tell him that Ferg cleaned me out and, in fact, threw me so deeply into overdraft that I didn't get a bit of my paycheck that got Direct Deposited last week. I wouldn't get a paycheck this week, either, if it wasn't for 3 frantic phone calls to my temp agency to try to get them to stop the DD and mail me the check, but I won't get it until Friday at the soonest.
Meanwhile, even if I say "Okay, I can't win" and try to move out tomorrow (not possible, but let's pretend), there isn't a moving van or truck to be had until after this weekend because all the college students are moving back into the dorms. (Also, I don't have a bank card in my name because Ferg has my damned card and I don't have any money in the bank and I'm not willing to lose a significant part of my "escape fund" by putting it in there--especially if there's no point because I don't have a card in my name.) Aside from that, the family that Nikki is supposed to stay with during this school year is on vacation this week, so there's no where for her to go.
So I called him and left a really long message on his answering machine--4 messages worth--that basically said, "Ferg cleaned my account out and threw me into overdraft; I haven't a dime to offer you, let alone $1000. I understand completely why you're upset and you've been very patient with all of the various problems, but I simply don't have the money. I never received your phone calls and I only found the letter tonight because I was looking for something else, so this is the first I knew that you'd expect me out by tomorrow. I hope you're willing to give me 2 weeks, since there isn't a moving van to be found in the area. As for the money, I'm willing to try to pay you something--lord knows you deserve it, but I can't pay anything right now."
Um, at some point, I also added that I thought we had a lease which meant that he couldn't just summarily dismiss me in 3 days, especially since I didn't receive the letter until the night before. I added that the refrigerator hasn't worked in a month or so and I've lost a lot of money when the food went bad and he hasn't fixed it.
I wonder if I should stay home tomorrow, in case he tries to toss my stuff onto the lawn...
I wonder if I should call a lawyer...
I wonder if I actually could move out by tomorrow...
Jesus, my stomach is killing me.
9:14 PM
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Monday, July 26, 2004
I'm home
I'm tired. I don't want to be here--I really didn't want to leave Lexington at all!
I've got a million things to do in the next two weeks. I'm giving notice at work tomorrow and start making calls for a moving van, a storage facility. A divorce. I need to pick up some moving boxes and see if I can't start the packing process as soon as possible, too.
It was a great ten days, but I don't think it's fair of Time to speed up to the speed of sound during my vacation and when it crawls at work. Stupid Time.
5:45 PM
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Wednesday, July 21, 2004
It's Wednesday Already???
The time is flying by--far far too quickly. For the most part, I'm relaxed, rested, and happy. The only exceptions to those are when I have to talk to him on the phone. *SIGH!*
You guys were right. I was trying to make him getting set up in Kansas as easy as possible, and he's cleaned me out and thrown me into overdraft twice in two weeks. I can't pay any bills...well, I have some money that he has no access to that isn't part of my escape fund, thankfully, but I can't pay the rent. At least I can keep the utilities on until I leave. In the meantime, he's called to ask for more money several times--and he borrowed $400 from Nikki and spent it in a fucking day, for god's sake!!!!! He swears when he gets his check (should be today or tomorrow), he'll send it back to her. He better. If he doesn't, I will find a way to make him pay.
As for the kids, I spoke with all three today, so I'm fairly certain they're all alive and reasonably healthy or else one of them was clever enough to make a tape of whichever one is missing to play for me over the phone. (I'm almost certain that even if they are that clever, they don't have the resources....*slightly worried*.)
Given those real life intrusions, I'm not doing too badly. The only times I've had a headache or been sick to my stomach have been after speaking with him and/or thinking about how I'm going to cover what he's spent. Still, considering it's usually a daily thing for me, sick only a couple of times over the past 5 days is quite nice. Jerry has been wonderful to me, making sure I de-stress and relax in every way possible (He even got up out of bed to get rid of the menacing spider that was laying in wait to attack me--I saw it dash over to the laundry room and lurk near the hallway for me!!--without getting annoyed at me for yelping at the sight of the giant mutant creepy thing and waking him up). His kids (I've met 2 of the 3) are great--funny, sharp, fun. All in all, a wonderful vacation in spite of any Ferg-related intrusions.
Mmmmmmmmm....getting my back rubbed, so I'm off....
5:30 PM
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Friday, July 16, 2004
It's Friday!!! *dancing around*
I have to make this quick because, as usual, I woke up late! But computer access will be limited if not completely unavailable, so have a great 10 days. I know I will! *grin*
7:04 AM
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Wednesday, July 14, 2004
It's officially Wednesday!
I'm leaving in 3 days! In less than 3 days, since I'm leaving on Friday! I'm sooooooooooo happy! 10 days with no work! 10 days with no responsibilities (except for passing out a few resumes)! 10 days with Bander!
- Got to go home early today and I'll probably get paid for it!
- Realized that I'm in a really good mood!
- Had Chinese for dinner and have sesame noodles for lunch tomorrow!
- Laid down the law with the kids this morning rather forcefully--if I had to come home and clean the house, every priviledge would be revoked. No car, no computer, no phone, no rides anywhere, no special snacks, no extra money, nothing. I even threatened to take the computer power cord and the phones with me when I left and to drive myself to the airport, park the car, and take the keys with me. My house was remarkably clean when I got home!
- I get to see Bander (and my grandma and, hopefully, Christina) in less than three days!
I'm in such a good mood. *happy sigh*
12:21 AM
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Monday, July 12, 2004
Insomnia
(aka, How to stay awake when you don't have enough to do at work)
Write a post for your blog, of course. However, since I can't access this at work, I had to write it out by hand. At least it kept me awake.
I didn't sleep at all last night. I couldn't get my brain to shut up and the thoughts and anxieties of what I need to do and how I'm going to pay the bills were swirling through my head. At 4am, I simply gave up and got up.
Allen and I have a big thing in common--we don't deal with change well. It's part of the reason why I put up with way too much shit for too long. I've been one big anxiety attack since last night. Partly, I feel guilty for not feeling worse that he's gone. Partly, the relief hasn't set in yet. Partly, it still feels like "his" room and he's going to be home anytime. (I'm thinking I need to get some boxes, pack up his things, and clean it really well, just so I won't feel like he's going to walk through the door at any minute.)
Anyway, at a certain level of tired, you glaze over. It's not just your eyes that feel glassy and unfocused. It's your mind, which can no longer bring forth simple vocabulary. You struggle for the words you need--"computer monitor", "window", "dinner", bridge number"--all concepts that your mind can grasp but that your mouth can't articulate. It's as if the verbal section of your brain has shut down. Closed for business. Meanwhile, your whole body feels glassy and numb.
Artificial stimulants keep your body in motion at the expense of your stomach. The smell of food is nauseating. The thought of food is nauseating. Crackers keep the nausea at bay to some extent, as do plain water and various stomach remedies. At this point, you've become a pharmacological cocktail--caffeine pills to stay awake. Tylenol and a 1/2 of a migraine pill to stave off the headache lurking at the edge of your vision. Ginger root pills to calm your stomach. Anxiety pills to calm the anxiety that's ratcheted into high gear from the tiredness that pulls and sucks at you and the pills you've used to combat it.
In other words...
Good night.
6:52 PM
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Sunday, July 11, 2004
More pics
And it only took about 25 pics to have 4 that I'd be willing to show anyone...Oh, and before anyone asked, yes, I'm wearing clothes in those last three!
11:45 PM
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New Hair
For everyone that wanted to see...
3:12 AM
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Saturday, July 10, 2004
The Stress Builds
- The internet has been down at work for most of the week due to a virus/worm, making it virtually impossible to get anything done.
- It was down today, still, making it impossible to get any permits out--much to the ire of a couple of people that called.
- Ferg has been out for the past three nights. He came home last night, drunk off his ass, telling me how he loves me and is going to miss me. He wanted us to do something together tonight, just the two of us. My choice. I told him today that I wanted get some movies and the kids were out like he wanted me to--Nikki to the movies, Allen with his friends, Daniel spending the night at his friend, Harrison's. (Daniel hasn't spent the night at home since we returned from Lake Wales--he really hates being here when Ferg's home.) I picked up his favorite dinner and some movies and he got this, "Oh god, now I'm going to have to actually follow through on what I said look" and sighed. He didn't eat any dinner--said he wasn't hungry. He got a call from Paul, who wanted to go play pool. He was disappointed I didn't want to go out and made it even more clear that he wasn't happy that I'd rented the movies. Finally, I told him to call Paul and go out and play pool. He made some noices about how he wanted the three of us to go and I said I didn't want to. He barely acted disappointed. *unsurprised sniff* I'm not really all that disappointed. I know that spending time alone with me inside instead of out somewhere, watching him drink, is just about the last thing he wants to do, no matter what bullshit he says otherwise. Nikki asked me if Ferg and weren't watching movies like we'd planned. I told her that he was going out with Paul. She was surprised (I don't know why--I wasn't!). Then she said, "This just proves you're doing the absolute right thing." I already knew that, but I'm glad she understands.
- It fell to me to figure out a way to get Ferg a place to stay and a rental car, without a card in his name. It's taken care of. He kept saying he would do it, but of course, playing on the computer, drinking, and sleeping have a much greater priority in his life. Whatever. It's taken care of. My responsibility ends tomorrow night, when he gets on that plane. He just doesn't know yet.
- I worry about Allen. Caitlyn is constantly fucking with his head. I don't think it's intentional--I'd hate to think I misjudged her to that extent--but she tells him she loves him and then shreds him up and grinds him into little bits a day or so later. He was so depressed about her the other night, he was cutting himself and he admitted later to taking a number of my anxiety pills, hoping he wouldn't wake up. I wanted to take him to the hospital then, but he wouldn't go. We talked and it came out that he doesn't know what to do about her--that she says she loves him and she'll get into a mood and either rip him apart in the name of "wanting to him understand himself better" or she'll dump him. Then she calls in the next day or two, wanting to talk to him because she's having a bad day and wants "to talk". (I think she wants her ego stroked--it makes her feel good to be with Allen because he loves her so much.) Invariably, the relationship is then back on and he's in a great mood until the next time she kicks him in the teeth. I told him today that I'm not happy about him being with her, but that I realize there's nothing I can do about it. I told him that she needs to grow the fuck up and figure out what she fucking wants or he needs to figure out how to be with her without it shredding him to pieces. He says that he knows it's going to happen again, but he can't stay away from her. So I got all "protective mother" on him and told him that if she causes him to hurt himself again I'll hurt her. And if he kills himself because of her, I'll hunt her down and she'll either disappear or I'll make it look like an accident. Nikki wants to beat her down, too. (The girl wanted something to be afraid of--now that she's done this to him at least twice, she's got something to be afraid of.) I told him I won't be rude to her or treat her badly, but I swear, one, if she's coming over, she better come into the house rather than waiting in the driveway. I find that rude and I wouldn't be happy if it were some guy that Nikki was dating. Two, if she better not not fuck his head again or else.
10:41 PM
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Friday, July 09, 2004
Horoscope time
Yahoo changed its format or got a new prognosticator--either way, it doesn't have that eerie-accurate quality anymore. Some of it still fits pretty well, though!
Overview:
Keep this train rolling -- no unnecessary stops made for any reason. You've got a destination to get to and a schedule to keep. Remind all the passengers aboard of that little fact.
Daily work (by Astrology.com)
Prima donnas are a pain. Ignore them and roll your eyes in private. Once again, your sense of humor saves the day. Share the joke with a few friends and watch the tension level drop.
Can you say "Michelle"? I knew you could!
Daily couples love (by Astrology.com)
You're on fire! You've got energies that just can't be contained, and your partner might end up exhausted if you don't spread yourself around among friends.
As long as it's been, one can hope! *looks around for a canidate*. Hey, wait--it said to spread myself among friends so that I don't exhaust one particular person! Any volunteers??? *evil*
Daily flirt (by Astrology.com)
People better stay out of your way -- it's not that you're angry, but you'll definitely feel feisty and ready to get riled up if anyone looks at you sideways.
Not really sure what that has to do with "flirting", but it's a fairly accurate description of my attitude lately!
Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
Watch what you eat today, as it could cause some problems for you. Some Virgos are quite sensitive when it comes to their tummy. Don't obsess about money. That could also have adverse effects on your digestion.
Duh!
Monthly romance (by Astrology.com)
There could be romantic changes from the 1st through 6th. Maybe you find a new lover.
All I'm going to say to that at the moment is "Hmmmmmmmmmmm"
12:01 AM
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Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Oh, the irony...
He got a job offer. In Kansas. They wanted him so badly, they upped their offer quite a bit and are giving him a plane ticket. He's got to be there by Monday.
I guess I'll have to put the stuff I'm leaving for him in storage. I'm going to have to move quick and arrange things when I get back from vacation...reserve a truck, get a storage facility, etc. It'll make packing and moving easier, though. I'm not quite sure what to do about his DirectTV setup, though. Once that's taken care of, I can send him the contract and key for the facility along with the divorce papers.
In the short-term, I have some things I have to do so he can go--like try to get his name on the bank account and get him a card immediately so he can rent a car. I'm a bit concerned about him having access to the account without me knowing exactly what he's spending, but I only have to deal with it for a bit less than a month. As long as the power and phone stay on, there's money to buy food, and we don't get kicked out of here before the second week of August or so, I don't care what he spends.
11:59 PM
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Tuesday, July 06, 2004
What I've Done Today
- Arrived home at 4am or so.
- Unpacked.
- Took a shower.
- Dressed for work.
- Left for work early, since I was ready and I wasn't sure if I was going to make it through the whole day.
- Got to work 1/2 hour early.
- Did 160 permits.
- Managed to stay awake all day with exception for a few seconds when I found myself dozing--took another No-Doze.
- Managed to not be able to eat anything because going without sleep for over 24 hours makes my stomach go insane.
- Was asked to "pick up a few things from the store" on my way home.
- Started dinner when I got home.
- Started the laundry that no one did all day.
- Did the dishes no one did all day.
- Got the phone messages that no one took--including two calls begging him to call them immediately about that job in Kansas.
What he did today
- Told me after sleeping all the way home that he was much too exhausted to drive me to work this morning so that I wouldn't have to worry about whether or not I'd be in any condition to drive home.
- Sleep until 6pm.
- Play Everquest.
- Eat a small portion of the dinner that I cooked (for him, since my stomach is too fucked up to handle food at the moment) and tell me that "it was good, but he's just not that hungry since he just woke up".
It amazes me, for some unknown reason, that he doesn't even consider entertaining the thought, "Hey! I have no job at the moment! Maybe I could actually do something useful! Like putting up my own fucking beer!"
8:07 PM
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The Curse of the Car, Part X
When it comes to cars, I have been cursed for at least 10 years now and if I ever find out who did it, I'm ripping their ears off!!! I've had ridiculous car accidents (Once I came around a downward blind curve to find a car stopped in the middle of the road and another time, I had someone who was speeding down a narrow road and ripped my open car door off!), fairly-new car engines exploding, overheating engines, batteries that died after a year, and lug nuts that wouldn't come off without a special key. I've had constant tire problems on every car I've owned for at least a decade now, including having all four tires on one car picking up screws/nails within a month (but at seperate times). I just get a car with a brand-new engine....
The compressor went out on the air conditioner. On the day we were supposed to return home from Lake Wales. 4.5 hours away.
This wouldn't be a big deal if:
- The compressor wasn't needed to make the air conditioner work.
- The air conditioner wasn't needed to turn one of the pullys that the serpentine belt goes through.
- A car with a serpentine belt does not run if the belt breaks--a dead pully breaks the belt, stopping the engine completely and usually killing the water pump in the process.
- It wasn't an official holiday, even if it's the day after (because the holiday was on Sunday)
We got lucky in that Ferg's uncle is good friends with this biker/mechanic guy who found a compressor and fixed it. He only charged us $175 for parts and labor, but it didn't get fixed until 10pm. Which meant I didn't get home until 3:40-something AM. Ferg was going to stay with his dad for the week, but decided he should drive me home so I could get some sleep in the car--supposedly. In reality, he got into a fight with his stepmother for no discernable reason and decided not to stay--he actually slept the entire way home and I bought No-Doze to stay awake for the drive. (He was exhausted from staying up all night after getting drunk at his cousin's party, then going golfing with a different cousin on 3 hours of sleep and drinking even more. And yes, he went to play golf after finding out that the car was broken--and then complained to me when he got back because I had the bank card and he didn't have any money to spend while he was out.) By the time we got back to Tallahassee, I was completely wired, itchy, broke-out with hives, and half-sick to my stomach. It was too late to get any sleep because I couldn't guarantee that I'd wake up in time to go to work, so I'm going to work on no sleep and sick to my stomach. I'm bringing my No-Doze with me or else I'll crash about noon. I just hope I don't crash the car on the drive home tonight.
Oh, and the landlord called while we were gone because he wants his rent. Why does the car always break down when the rent is due?
Two more weeks until my vacation.
Four to five weeks until my permanent escape.
Thank god.
5:42 AM
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Saturday, July 03, 2004
Dialing In From Lake Wales
Geographically-speaking, coming to central Florida from Tallahassee is like entering a whole other state. Tallahassee has the look and feel of a movie set in Georgia or the Carolinas, with its canopy drives (roads where the trees meet overhead, creating a green tunnel) and Spanish moss hanging from the trees. Yet it doesn't have the same look as further south, either, with the expanses of swamps (the Everglades--ever popular in movies that want to set the "Florida" mood) or the colorful, tropical, rich look of Miami/Palm Beach.
In contrast, Lake Wales and the other small towns around here in "Central Florida" have that dusty, "used" look. For one thing, it's very flat and there's none of the green lushness that one who doesn't actually live here tends to associate with the "South". The only trees are the miles of orange groves, which emit a sharp, almost bitter, tang when they're ripe with fruit. There are also palm trees, but they're mostly planted here as decorative touches--I don't think I've ever seen one that looks like it grew wild. There really isn't much grass because the soil is mostly sand. It actually looks more like where I lived in New Mexico (Alamogordo, in the Tularosa Basin, between the Sacremento and the San Andreas mountain ranges.), with more lizards, less scorpions and road runners, and no tumbleweeds, dust devils, or cacti. Plenty of nasty insects willing to attack you for simply being there, though, just like New Mexico. I'm fairly certain that fire ants are the State animal here.
One thing I always wonder when we drive down here, passing subdivisions with signs stating that the houses start at $150,000--who the hell lives down here that can afford that and what do they do? There aren't any signs of industry. Signs for lawyers hang outside of converted houses and each town has identical strip malls with Publix and Winn Dixie grocery stores and the ever-present SuperWalmarts. There are always tiny souvenier shops selling fruit and cheap tshirts; kitchsy shot glasses/keyrings/plastic do-dads with "Florida" printed on them in hot pink and/or poison-green; plastic alligators and flamingos; boiled peanuts (a scary food that is apparently quite popular here)--basically anything you could want to take home and throw in a junk drawer or box to prove that you have indeed been here. They don't seem the sort of places that would generate the income to afford the expensive, "just-off-the-golf-course" houses you see. More likely, the employees of these places are the ones that inhabit the ubiquitous mobile home parks that dot the landscape. So I ask again, who is snapping up those expensive houses that apparently sell as fast as they can be constructed?
There is little to do here--either for a living or for recreation, unless you want to drop ridiculous amounts of money at one of the tourist meccas in Orlando or Tampa. DisneyWorld, Universal Studios, SeaWorld, Busch Gardens. These are the big draws, but there are a multitude of smaller, lesser-known places that try to carve their own little piece out of the tourist industry pie. When we come here, I do enjoy talking with the relatives and such. I don't enjoy the one tv, set either to game shows (if the mother-in-law has control of the remote) or sports (if the father-in-law has control). The computer connection is dialup and I'm tying up the only phone line whenever I'm online, so I feel guilty about it. Also, you pretty much have to smoke in self-protection because everyone here does so endlessly, creating a fog the likes seen only in Cheech & Chong movies. If you don't smoke, too, you'll find yourself addicted due to second-hand smoke by the time you leave.
Observations
- Visiting is nice--sleeping in your own bed is better. More to the point, having to always get dressed and undressed in a bathroom the size of a shoebox because there are too many people around and you might get walked in on at any time if you were to try to dress in the bedroom sucks. I don't particularly like how I look naked, but I like being able to be naked without wondering who might pop their head in.
- Dial-up sucks.
- Ferg is being much better behaved this time around than he was last year, but we haven't seen his cousin, Denny, yet. Denny is a big kid and not a bad guy, but he seems to be a bad influence on Ferg, bringing the inner-asshole to the surface. Normally, Ferg treats me pretty well in front of his parents until he gets around his cousin. Last 4th of July weekend, he was so bad that his own dad said something to him about how he was talking to me in front of everyone.
- Allen came with us and he and Ferg are getting along better than ever. Kudos to both of them for trying harder, but my stomach is clenched, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
- I spent most of last night and most of today sleeping. I didn't do it on purpose--I simply couldn't keep my eyes open. Last week, especially yesterday, was exhausting and I guess it caught up with me. (That might be why I think he's been better to me--I haven't been awake to pick on.)
10:16 PM
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Friday, July 02, 2004
HAPPY 4th of JULY!!!
It's a little early, but since I'm leaving right after work and probably won't have much internet access this weekend, I probably won't have the opportunity to post this then. Wish me luck that my 4th is better than last year's (the only really good part was a day at the lake--the rest of the time consisted mostly of him sniping at me constantly and I wasn't extremely thrilled with the party that I lovingly refer to as "The Redneck 4th of July of the Year").
Meanwhile, to all of you celebrating the holiday (or at least getting an extra day off), have a great one. And for everyone who are simply looking forward to another weekend, I hope it's good for you, too! (Jewels, I know you'll probably have to work, so if you smite any of the rude or obnoxious people at the movie theater, just make sure you hide the bodies really well! *kiss*)
7:28 AM
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