A place for me to work stuff out and to post things that interest me.
Most of us can, if we choose,
make this world either a palace or a prison.
~Lord Avebury
I choose a palace.
~TKF
Do not let your fire go out,
spark by irreplaceable spark,
in the hopeless swamps of the approximate,
the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.
Do not let the hero in your soul perish,
in lonely frustration for the life you deserved,
but have never been able to reach.
Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won.
It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.
~Ayn Rand
The democratic society's mythology of equality with its
attendant erasure of difference is an impossibility
in an actual, lived sense.
Therefore, according to this view, this
imaginary erasure cannot achieve an
actual democracy, because a sense of
community can only come with the recognition of difference.
~Slavoj Zizek, as paraphrased by Catherine M. Soussloff
Links!
A brand new link! Check it out!
deviantART
I thought the place was very cool. Oh, and all you Alias fans, you can find a very nice wallpaper there--
or rather, here--and a gorgeous Evanescence one, too!
Watcher's Diary
Slayage; The Online International Journal of Buffy Studies
Convert just about anything
Comes in really handy when you want to convert fahrenheit to celcius and vice versa!
Links to 100s of free calculators online
Everything from your due date to how much a house payment would be to a regular calculator
Reference Guide to Chicago Manual of Style
Dictionary, Encyclopedia, Atlas & Almanac
Quotation Search Engine
Complete HTML True Color Chart
Epicurious Recipes
Inn Recipes; Recipes for all Occasions
JobStar-Resumes & Cover Letters Advice
Overstock.com: Up to 80% off most items
Ediblenature.com
Things My Girlfriend & I Have Argued About
(Trust me--you'll be laughing outloud!)
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Beyond the Invisible
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The tale of the world is like a tree.
...
Sturdily rooted in the past, the tale's branches spread out through the days that come. The many stories that make up its substance
unfold from bud to leaf to dry memory and back again, event connecting event like the threadwork of a spider's web, so that each creature of the world plays its part, understanding only aspects of the overall narrative, and perceiving, each with its particular talents, only glimpses
of the Great Mystery that underlies it all.
~Charles de Lint, Moonheart
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Monday, July 12, 2004
Insomnia
(aka, How to stay awake when you don't have enough to do at work)
Write a post for your blog, of course. However, since I can't access this at work, I had to write it out by hand. At least it kept me awake.
I didn't sleep at all last night. I couldn't get my brain to shut up and the thoughts and anxieties of what I need to do and how I'm going to pay the bills were swirling through my head. At 4am, I simply gave up and got up.
Allen and I have a big thing in common--we don't deal with change well. It's part of the reason why I put up with way too much shit for too long. I've been one big anxiety attack since last night. Partly, I feel guilty for not feeling worse that he's gone. Partly, the relief hasn't set in yet. Partly, it still feels like "his" room and he's going to be home anytime. (I'm thinking I need to get some boxes, pack up his things, and clean it really well, just so I won't feel like he's going to walk through the door at any minute.)
Anyway, at a certain level of tired, you glaze over. It's not just your eyes that feel glassy and unfocused. It's your mind, which can no longer bring forth simple vocabulary. You struggle for the words you need--"computer monitor", "window", "dinner", bridge number"--all concepts that your mind can grasp but that your mouth can't articulate. It's as if the verbal section of your brain has shut down. Closed for business. Meanwhile, your whole body feels glassy and numb.
Artificial stimulants keep your body in motion at the expense of your stomach. The smell of food is nauseating. The thought of food is nauseating. Crackers keep the nausea at bay to some extent, as do plain water and various stomach remedies. At this point, you've become a pharmacological cocktail--caffeine pills to stay awake. Tylenol and a 1/2 of a migraine pill to stave off the headache lurking at the edge of your vision. Ginger root pills to calm your stomach. Anxiety pills to calm the anxiety that's ratcheted into high gear from the tiredness that pulls and sucks at you and the pills you've used to combat it.
In other words...
Good night.
6:52 PM
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bravenet.com
