t_k_f@hotmail.com

I live in Lexington, Kentucky

I'm owned by a cat, Moiya, who has me very well-trained.

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1. The internet has been down at work for most of the week due to a virus/worm, making it virtually impossible to get anything done.


2. It was down today, still, making it impossible to get any permits out--much to the ire of a couple of people that called.


3. Ferg has been out for the past three nights. He came home last night, drunk off his ass, telling me how he loves me and is going to miss me. He wanted us to do something together tonight, just the two of us. My choice. I told him today that I wanted get some movies and the kids were out like he wanted me to--Nikki to the movies, Allen with his friends, Daniel spending the night at his friend, Harrison's. (Daniel hasn't spent the night at home since we returned from Lake Wales--he really hates being here when Ferg's home.) I picked up his favorite dinner and some movies and he got this, "Oh god, now I'm going to have to actually follow through on what I said look" and sighed. He didn't eat any dinner--said he wasn't hungry. He got a call from Paul, who wanted to go play pool. He was disappointed I didn't want to go out and made it even more clear that he wasn't happy that I'd rented the movies. Finally, I told him to call Paul and go out and play pool. He made some noices about how he wanted the three of us to go and I said I didn't want to. He barely acted disappointed. *unsurprised sniff* I'm not really all that disappointed. I know that spending time alone with me inside instead of out somewhere, watching him drink, is just about the last thing he wants to do, no matter what bullshit he says otherwise. Nikki asked me if Ferg and weren't watching movies like we'd planned. I told her that he was going out with Paul. She was surprised (I don't know why--I wasn't!). Then she said, "This just proves you're doing the absolute right thing." I already knew that, but I'm glad she understands.


4. It fell to me to figure out a way to get Ferg a place to stay and a rental car, without a card in his name. It's taken care of. He kept saying he would do it, but of course, playing on the computer, drinking, and sleeping have a much greater priority in his life. Whatever. It's taken care of. My responsibility ends tomorrow night, when he gets on that plane. He just doesn't know yet.


5. I worry about Allen. Caitlyn is constantly fucking with his head. I don't think it's intentional--I'd hate to think I misjudged her to that extent--but she tells him she loves him and then shreds him up and grinds him into little bits a day or so later. He was so depressed about her the other night, he was cutting himself and he admitted later to taking a number of my anxiety pills, hoping he wouldn't wake up. I wanted to take him to the hospital then, but he wouldn't go. We talked and it came out that he doesn't know what to do about her--that she says she loves him and she'll get into a mood and either rip him apart in the name of "wanting to him understand himself better" or she'll dump him. Then she calls in the next day or two, wanting to talk to him because she's having a bad day and wants "to talk". (I think she wants her ego stroked--it makes her feel good to be with Allen because he loves her so much.) Invariably, the relationship is then back on and he's in a great mood until the next time she kicks him in the teeth. I told him today that I'm not happy about him being with her, but that I realize there's nothing I can do about it. I told him that she needs to grow the fuck up and figure out what she fucking wants or he needs to figure out how to be with her without it shredding him to pieces. He says that he knows it's going to happen again, but he can't stay away from her. So I got all "protective mother" on him and told him that if she causes him to hurt himself again I'll hurt her. And if he kills himself because of her, I'll hunt her down and she'll either disappear or I'll make it look like an accident. Nikki wants to beat her down, too. (The girl wanted something to be afraid of--now that she's done this to him at least twice, she's got something to be afraid of.) I told him I won't be rude to her or treat her badly, but I swear, one, if she's coming over, she better come into the house rather than waiting in the driveway. I find that rude and I wouldn't be happy if it were some guy that Nikki was dating. Two, if she better not not fuck his head again or else.