A place for me to work stuff out and to post things that interest me.
Most of us can, if we choose,
make this world either a palace or a prison.
~Lord Avebury
I choose a palace.
~TKF
Do not let your fire go out,
spark by irreplaceable spark,
in the hopeless swamps of the approximate,
the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.
Do not let the hero in your soul perish,
in lonely frustration for the life you deserved,
but have never been able to reach.
Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won.
It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.
~Ayn Rand
The democratic society's mythology of equality with its
attendant erasure of difference is an impossibility
in an actual, lived sense.
Therefore, according to this view, this
imaginary erasure cannot achieve an
actual democracy, because a sense of
community can only come with the recognition of difference.
~Slavoj Zizek, as paraphrased by Catherine M. Soussloff
Links!
A brand new link! Check it out!
deviantART
I thought the place was very cool. Oh, and all you Alias fans, you can find a very nice wallpaper there--
or rather, here--and a gorgeous Evanescence one, too!
Watcher's Diary
Slayage; The Online International Journal of Buffy Studies
Convert just about anything
Comes in really handy when you want to convert fahrenheit to celcius and vice versa!
Links to 100s of free calculators online
Everything from your due date to how much a house payment would be to a regular calculator
Reference Guide to Chicago Manual of Style
Dictionary, Encyclopedia, Atlas & Almanac
Quotation Search Engine
Complete HTML True Color Chart
Epicurious Recipes
Inn Recipes; Recipes for all Occasions
JobStar-Resumes & Cover Letters Advice
Overstock.com: Up to 80% off most items
Ediblenature.com
Things My Girlfriend & I Have Argued About
(Trust me--you'll be laughing outloud!)
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Beyond the Invisible
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The tale of the world is like a tree.
...
Sturdily rooted in the past, the tale's branches spread out through the days that come. The many stories that make up its substance
unfold from bud to leaf to dry memory and back again, event connecting event like the threadwork of a spider's web, so that each creature of the world plays its part, understanding only aspects of the overall narrative, and perceiving, each with its particular talents, only glimpses
of the Great Mystery that underlies it all.
~Charles de Lint, Moonheart
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Sunday, February 13, 2005
It's been a week...
Okay, I've started my new job. It's just working in a convenience store and the pay is really pitiful, but I'm working and some money is better than NO money. I'll be working 3rd shift starting this coming Monday (02/14). It works out because I'll be going to work about the time that he goes to bed for the night and I'll get home before he has to go to work himself--a bonus with just one working vehicle at the moment. Since I've been staying up most of most nights, it shouldn't be too difficult to work 10pm-6am. (Nice to know that insomnia can be good for something, eh?) Also, the manager said that she needs an assistant manager for 3rd shift, so if I work out, I might get trained for that. Not that I plan to do this forever, but really, who the hell ever expects to have this type of job at 38? I figure I should make the best of it, whatever happens, but that's how I always approach a job. It kind of sucks, though, since I swore I'd never have another job where I had to use a mop for any reason (mops invariably equal "low-paying customer service" jobs). But money...having money good.
12:53 PM
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Thursday, February 03, 2005
Department of Family and Children
(aka The Freak Show/Purgatory)
Got there at 8am. I was seen at 10:40am. If I'm approved, she has 30 days to process my case before I might even see a food stamp. We have about $26 for two weeks worth of groceries (which is better than the $6 we did have--Allen gave me $45, but I have to put gas in the car).
Soooooooooooooo....I spent nearly 3 hours with Barney blaring from the TV in "the Children's Corner", screaming children--one of which was definitely Damien from The Omen!, and a woman who felt the need to preach the "Word of God" very loudly while filling out her form. Once she got a pen that wasn't possessed by the Devil, that is. (It didn't work, so it was Satan trying to keep God from helping her to receive her food stamps. I swear--she stood up and demanded Satan be cast out of the Bic. They brought her a new pen.)
Don't know about the job yet....God, I'm tired.
2:51 PM
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So It's 2:30 am...
Spin City comes on at 2am. Or reruns of The Tonight Show. Such is life at 2am when you have 5 channels and you're tired of all the DVDs/tapes you own. I do have books, though, and that's a good thing. If you're going to be a truly great insomniac, you have to have something to occupy your time, after all! Even better, Jerry has books I have read yet! I'm also reading some of my art history books that I've picked up over the years and, for one reason or another, haven't read yet. The latest is Jewish Identity in Modern Art History. It's a collection of essays, most of which are pretty interesting.
Little-known, flakey factoid about me:
If reincarnation is real, I think I was a Jew in a previous life. An Orthodox Jew at that. I don't think I could ever be one now (or any other religion, really), but when I read abou the customs and strictures, the "sound" right. I couldn't be kosher if I tried, but put the information about Hasidic or Orthodox Jews in front of me and there's a part of me nodding, "Yes, that's right..."
Moving on...
So, the State of the Union address. Allen had a great idea--it's too bad that Bush hasn't been struck with that curse that Jim Carrey's character had in Liar, Liar. I am extremely interested in seeing how Bush will pay for all of those proposed domestic programs he wants to implement; this ridiculous, unworkable war in Iraq; and take on Syria (Unworkable War, Part II) and Iran (Unworkable War, Part III) as his next choice of regions to be graced with our benevolent guidance towards "liberation" (strange how it's only the oil countries that aren't friends that need our guidance, huh?) without raising taxes and cutting this record deficit he's created in half by 2009. (Apparently, he's either cultivating magic money trees in the Rose Garden or he's back on the coke habit again!)
In the morning, I take on the food stamp people. That'll be fun, no doubt. I might try going to the VA to get a couple of appointments. I have a bunch of small stuff that need to be looked at--the stomach giving me fits and the meds not working, for instance; the "can't sleep"; chronic cough; and some weird thing with my right pinkie toe. (No feeling and the toe nail fell off!) I also should see a shrink (a different one) since the depression is back.
Good news, possibly. I may have a job. It's in a convenience store of all things, but I can get 3rd shift and because of my education and experience, I could get promoted to assistant manager fairly quickly. From there, I might get a management position (or I might find a real job, who knows?). In other words, if I'm going to get a crappy job, at least I might move up to management in a short amount of time. So, hopefully, I'll have good news to report sometime soon.
I wonder if that pro bono divorce place is still around, if I can't raise the $93 for the "do it yourself" one. Sure, it'll take at least a year....uh....NO! I'd rather beg on a street corner than wait a year. I could even make a sign....
Married to an abusive alcoholic
Who stole my money and got me evicted from my home.
Must have $93 for divorce.
PLEASE HELP!!!
Think that would work???? *evil* What if I blow up that picture I have of him drunk with a stripper sprawled over him and put that on the sign, too?? I think I have that around here somewhere, still......*TRULYEVIL*
2:28 AM
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Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Depression
Depression hit hard. Very very hard. I've been beating myself to death over the job situation and resulting money situation. Not only does it make me feel like a useless sponge, I can't even afford the $93 I need to file for divorce this month.
Allen and I got into it about money--long story involving his tax return. He threw "at least I bust my ass and have a job!" at me. That made me so angry, I nearly punched him. Instead, I went into the bedroom to cool off. Then, not even 10 minutes later, I discover that Daniel skipped school again--I was asleep and he left and came back when he'd normally come home from school. Allen said he woke me up and told me but as I've told him several times--and they all know this and have used it to their advantage more than once--I don't know what I'm saying when I'm awakened from a dead sleep and I don't remember it. Daniel certainly realized it and was just pretending he'd gone to school until Allen brought up the fact that I had to write him an excuse or possibly face jail because of Daniel's truancy. I was so angry that I had to go for a long walk just to keep from doing something dreadful and permanent to the boy. He's currently grounded from all TV and Playstation for a week and if either get turned on during this week, I'm taking them and pawning them. As I told him, I could certainly use the money, so he best not think I'm joking.
So, still angry and depressed, I went to bed at 6:30pm and woke up at 10pm. Unable to go back to sleep, I tried to watch more Buffy, but the DVD wasn't working properly. I ended up bundling up and taking a long walk at 3:30am.
Okay, I've walked alone in the middle of the night in Manhattan, Washington DC, and Chicago (the latter not due to choice but because Ferg got pissed at me and abandoned me 6 blocks from the hotel at 4am). Not once have I ever been hassled, bothered, or messed with in any way. Tonight, in a nearly deserted neighborhood in Lexington, Kentucky, at 4am or so, with only my glasses and nose visible due to my heavy coat, multiple scarves, gloves, and ski cap, some guy actually asked if I was a hooker! I laughed in his face--I just couldn't help it! I mean, really...how desperate (or drunk) do you have to be to ask a woman dressed in sweats, made bulky by two layers of long underwear, athletic shoes, a heavy coat that covers three-quarters of her body, and a ski cap if she's "looking to make some money"??
2:15 PM
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Tuesday, February 01, 2005
"I'm just afraid this whole session is going to turn tinto some training montage from an 80's movie."
"Well, if we hear any inspirational power chords, we'll lay down until they go away."
I still love "Once More With Feeling". I sit and sing (badly) all the songs and I can recite most of the dialogue. I just borrowed S6 from a friend and now I'm watching all the special features that go with this particular episode.
New Things I've Learned:
I put the captions on so I could catch the dialogue I miss whenever everyone is talking/singing at the same time. I LOVE Anya's lines, particularly when she and Xander are yelling at Giles to come up with an answer just after their own duet.
"It was like we were being watched! Like there was a wall missing from our apartment! Like there were only three walls--and my toes are not hairy!"
I also finally found out the last word in Giles reply to Xander's question about whether the singing and dancing are related to the burning and dying...
"I was able to examine the body while the police were taking witness arias."
Joss, in his commentary, explained some things I found "off" about the episode from the beginning. First, he has A/X laughing at the end of their number as an homage to 40's musicals. However, he feels the laughter usually doesn't make any sense in light of whatever particular situation is going on at the time. So the tirade to Giles just after their duet is to indicate that they're aware the laughter didn't make sense. Second, Buffy can't hear Giles's song about having to leave because she's too distant from everyone and everything. All she can feel/see/hear is her own pain. Finally, Xander was the one that summoned the demon because Joss thought it would be a complete surprise ending if it were him.
I LOVE:
Spike: "Whisper in a dead man's ear/it doesn't make it real./So let me rest in peace..."
"So, you're not staying then?"
"I hope she fries!/I'm free if that bitch dies!/I better help her out."
Willow: Her facial expression when she realizes what she's done to Buffy by resurrecting her.
"I think this line is mostly filler!"
The Parking Ticket Song
"I think that hydrant wasn't there."
There's other stuff, but suddenly, I'm exhausted. G'Night!
2:00 PM
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Stuff
(aka, I can't think of a title)
I have had the stomach ache from HELL all damned day! The "someone stuck a knife in my gut and is twisting it for fun" kind of stomach ache. None of the medicines I have are working. God, it hurts!
I'm rewatching "Life Serial" (since sleeping is out of the question). I've said it before but it bears reiteration--I HATE the ÜberGeeks! They are ridiculous caricatures of every "Geeky" behavior all rolled into one (or three, in this case)--arguing over the best James Bond and painting a Deathstar on the side of their van. A horn that sounds like the theme to Star Wars. The drooling over "free cable porn". (If they're such geniuses, couldn't they hack all the internet porn they wanted or create a descrambler for their cable box?)
It is a cute episode, though, despite them. I love her time loop in the Magic Box. I just thought they were the lamest, most pathetic villians ever used on the show. It stretches all boundaries of disbelief that she couldn't find them and take them out much sooner than she did.
1:48 PM
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