A place for me to work stuff out and to post things that interest me.
Most of us can, if we choose,
make this world either a palace or a prison.
~Lord Avebury
I choose a palace.
~TKF
Do not let your fire go out,
spark by irreplaceable spark,
in the hopeless swamps of the approximate,
the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.
Do not let the hero in your soul perish,
in lonely frustration for the life you deserved,
but have never been able to reach.
Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won.
It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.
~Ayn Rand
The democratic society's mythology of equality with its
attendant erasure of difference is an impossibility
in an actual, lived sense.
Therefore, according to this view, this
imaginary erasure cannot achieve an
actual democracy, because a sense of
community can only come with the recognition of difference.
~Slavoj Zizek, as paraphrased by Catherine M. Soussloff
Links!
A brand new link! Check it out!
deviantART
I thought the place was very cool. Oh, and all you Alias fans, you can find a very nice wallpaper there--
or rather, here--and a gorgeous Evanescence one, too!
Watcher's Diary
Slayage; The Online International Journal of Buffy Studies
Convert just about anything
Comes in really handy when you want to convert fahrenheit to celcius and vice versa!
Links to 100s of free calculators online
Everything from your due date to how much a house payment would be to a regular calculator
Reference Guide to Chicago Manual of Style
Dictionary, Encyclopedia, Atlas & Almanac
Quotation Search Engine
Complete HTML True Color Chart
Epicurious Recipes
Inn Recipes; Recipes for all Occasions
JobStar-Resumes & Cover Letters Advice
Overstock.com: Up to 80% off most items
Ediblenature.com
Things My Girlfriend & I Have Argued About
(Trust me--you'll be laughing outloud!)
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Beyond the Invisible
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The tale of the world is like a tree.
...
Sturdily rooted in the past, the tale's branches spread out through the days that come. The many stories that make up its substance
unfold from bud to leaf to dry memory and back again, event connecting event like the threadwork of a spider's web, so that each creature of the world plays its part, understanding only aspects of the overall narrative, and perceiving, each with its particular talents, only glimpses
of the Great Mystery that underlies it all.
~Charles de Lint, Moonheart
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Sunday, January 09, 2005
And finally the new year...
Sometimes it feels like it's been forever since I've been online. As with any addiction, the overwhelming sense of need begins to fade and going out to find a computer becomes so much less important.
Things are in flux here, as with everyone's life. Yet some things remain the same--a comforting and satisfying routine where the days blur together.
The weather vacillates between unseasonably (but welcome) warmth and constant flood warnings and bone-chilling cold and snow advisories. Money is always short, but the stress you'd expect at that is nonexistant because the bills are paid and there's always food to eat. My health is pretty good--the blood pressure is still good and my anxiety is largely a thing of the past. On the other hand, I've had chronic sinus problems since working at Amazon (much worse than usual, that is, because of all the dust there, I suspect) and post-nasal drip. I think that is contributing to my constant stomach aches and inability to keep my food down since I don't feel upset enough about anything to bring on this kind of reaction. I certain don't feel the level of stress and unhappiness that made me so sick before.
Things are up and down, of course. Despite our tight finances, Christmas and New Year's were wonderful. Also, Jerry had the week between the two holidays off and we had a great time just hanging out with each other. We saw friends and watched a lot of DVDs/tapes. I also saw all three seasons of Alias before last week's premiere. Yes, I'm officially hooked! All I'm missing is my official Fan Girl card. (I highly suspect that J.J. Abrams has a serious problem with marriage/wives, though! Every wife turns out to be a double agent and even Emily "betrayed" her husband, for chrissake!)
Other things aren't so wonderful, however. Allen moved out this past Thursday and is living in a pay-by-the-week motel. He is still stunned (and blames Jerry) that anyone is actually making him face the consequences of his actions. He didn't bother to save any money in the two weeks that he had, despite the two paychecks and the $100 his dad sent. He made sure that he blamed me for "throwing him away like garbage" --it couldn't possibly be that he did anything wrong by stealing, destroying property, or not respecting other people's rooms/property. I pointed out that 1) he made his choices--no one made him do the things he did, 2) he's 18 and did he expect that I'd feed and house him forever, no matter what?
I DO feel guilty, though. I feel like I let him down and didn't do something right. What kind of parenting skills do I have? There's Allen's determined self-destruction and seeming lack of remorse. (He's always gotten angry whenever he's been forced to face the consequences of something he's done.) Then Daniel--still purposefully failing (by refusing to make the slightest effort) any class he doesn't care about, despite every possible punishment or incentive that I've ever though of or tried over the past five or six years. Nicki acts like she hates me half the time and refused to see me over the holidays when her father offered to bring her down.
In Daniel's case, I got to thinking about the situation while I was still working at Amazon. Maybe I'm approaching this from the wrong angle. I'm seriously considering attempting to homeschool him. In Nikki's case, I haven't a clue. For that matter, even the cat is acting out and has started using the new rug (new to us--a friend was moving and gave it to us) as a litter box.
*sigh!*
I'm expecting my "WORLD'S SUCKIEST MOM!" button at any time.
The job search must begin again, but not this week. We have less than a $1 until Friday and the kids' dad changed jobs again. That means my child support that had been deducted straight from his paycheck isn't being deducted until they set it up with his new employer. I told him 3 weeks ago exactly how to contact child support enforcement and give them his new information and he just informed me that it was too much trouble and I needed to contact them. At least he told me where he works. Not the address, mind you, just the name. He was supposed to call back with the address and phone number. He didn't.
I mentioned the stomach pain. I didn't mention that the VA meds aren't working anymore.
Speaking of pain, there's a constant pain in my ass--Ferg! He actually called my ex and told him that I was neglecting Nikki! Then he told Tracy that he wanted to seek partial custody of her! First, over my dead body! Second, no court in the country would give a 37 year old alcoholic with a yen for teenagers even partial custody (and if he wanted to actually go push to shove, I'll let him explain those pictures and video clips on his computer to the court!) of a 17-year old girl. Third, she's going to be 18 in April, you stupid yutz! All I have to do is wait a couple more months and I don't have the money to file now, anyway, idiot! Finally, I'll kill him. Of course, it might be a fight with her dad over who gets to do that but since he could get lost on a racetrack, I figure I'll get there first.
I've been thinking of volunteering. The weather has been so bad that the homeless shelters are strained and I'm thinking of volunteering at one. All the talk and images in the aftermath of the tsunami makes me wish I could go there and help in some way. I don't know what I could do, though. Not like I'm big on the needed skills (aka, medical; construction; teaching), but I hate to see so much devastation and it's not like we can afford to give any money.
Finally, thanks to everyone that sent a Christmas card! I'm still planning to send mine out, but it's looking like it might be Christmas in July!
Oh...one last thing. If you're reading a book and so violently disagree with a state that you note the quote and write a 3-page rebuttal, are you losing it? It's a book called, Women, Art, and Society. (Me and feminist art historical theory don't get along. More on why later, if anyone is interested.)
9:40 PM
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bravenet.com
