A place for me to work stuff out and to post things that interest me.
Most of us can, if we choose,
make this world either a palace or a prison.
~Lord Avebury
I choose a palace.
~TKF
Do not let your fire go out,
spark by irreplaceable spark,
in the hopeless swamps of the approximate,
the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.
Do not let the hero in your soul perish,
in lonely frustration for the life you deserved,
but have never been able to reach.
Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won.
It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.
~Ayn Rand
The democratic society's mythology of equality with its
attendant erasure of difference is an impossibility
in an actual, lived sense.
Therefore, according to this view, this
imaginary erasure cannot achieve an
actual democracy, because a sense of
community can only come with the recognition of difference.
~Slavoj Zizek, as paraphrased by Catherine M. Soussloff
Links!
A brand new link! Check it out!
deviantART
I thought the place was very cool. Oh, and all you Alias fans, you can find a very nice wallpaper there--
or rather, here--and a gorgeous Evanescence one, too!
Watcher's Diary
Slayage; The Online International Journal of Buffy Studies
Convert just about anything
Comes in really handy when you want to convert fahrenheit to celcius and vice versa!
Links to 100s of free calculators online
Everything from your due date to how much a house payment would be to a regular calculator
Reference Guide to Chicago Manual of Style
Dictionary, Encyclopedia, Atlas & Almanac
Quotation Search Engine
Complete HTML True Color Chart
Epicurious Recipes
Inn Recipes; Recipes for all Occasions
JobStar-Resumes & Cover Letters Advice
Overstock.com: Up to 80% off most items
Ediblenature.com
Things My Girlfriend & I Have Argued About
(Trust me--you'll be laughing outloud!)
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Beyond the Invisible
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The tale of the world is like a tree.
...
Sturdily rooted in the past, the tale's branches spread out through the days that come. The many stories that make up its substance
unfold from bud to leaf to dry memory and back again, event connecting event like the threadwork of a spider's web, so that each creature of the world plays its part, understanding only aspects of the overall narrative, and perceiving, each with its particular talents, only glimpses
of the Great Mystery that underlies it all.
~Charles de Lint, Moonheart
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Wednesday, September 29, 2004
I wonder if they'll consider Prozac in my blood a selling point or a deterent???
Still no job yet, but I did get an interview this past Tuesday! It seems to have gone well, but who knows with these things. I've walked out of interviews thinking that I had a job locked up and then never heard from anyone again, so I'm not going to worry about it. If they call, they call.
The interview was for a part-time position at the Humane Society, doing data entry. It's okay money, decent hours, and seems like an interesting job with a pretty flexible boss. I certainly wouldn't mind hearing from them. However, to hedge my bets, I put in a couple of applications on the way home.
Meanwhile, a friend of ours works as a paramedic at the health clinic at the Toyota compound in Georgetown (just outside of Lexington). She says they're hiring a lot of people right now in admin and one person she recommended already got a job. She's taking my resume and reference sheet to them today and seems fairly positive she can get me on there. Now that would be a good job--a very nice salary, close to what I was making in Tallahassee but with full benefits. If it does come through, though, I'm not expecting to hear anything until mid-October or so and we need money NOW. In fact, we so desperately need money that I'm seriously considering selling plasma at this one place. Thing is, I don't know if they'll take my blood because of the medications I'm on. (Personally, I think some nice, soothing prozac and anti-anxiety medication would be just the ticket for someone in need of plasma, but I get the feeling they might not see it the same way...) I need to call them, I think, since it's $50 for the initial visit. My wedding ring is only worth $40 to the local pawn shops, which sucks, since I know they'll sell it for way more than that. If I had time, I'd just put it on Ebay. It is handmade, 16k white gold, with celtic knotwork hand-engraved all the way around. It's got to be worth more than $40 to somebody!
You know....I do have this extra kidney I'm not using.....
In other news, Allen has received permission from the school board to take the GED free of charge. He picked up his paperwork today. Now he just has to arrange to take the pre-test and then they'll set a date for him to take the actual GED exam. He started working last night and has already made some friends at work. He hung out with them afterwards and is in a great mood today. That's really awesome to see.
Nikki hasn't been washed away yet, though with 4 hurricanes hitting already and another one possibly on the way, it's really starting to concern me. That's more than the entire 4 years that I lived there! She says a few trees have gone down in the neighborhood, which is what I'm more concerned with than flooding. It doesn't really flood much in that particular part of town at all--but it is more or less a giant forest with trees looming all about. She says she's fine, though--just incredibly busy. She took a pretty hard load this year and I guess with work, she's having a little trouble juggling her time. (She was planning on taking some homework to work with her last night so that she could do it in her downtime, if she had any.) I told her that I don't want her stressing herself out--if it gets to be too much, she needs to cut her hours back at work. She says she's fine. However, I might call the woman she's staying with and get her opinion (when Nik isn't there, of course!).
Firefly was an awesome show that should never have been taken off the air and I can't wait until it comes out as a movie.
Sorry--that didn't have much to do with anything other than we finished up watching the entire one and only season of the show and I'm extremely irked that the network never gave it any real chance to get an audience. The writing is amazing, as is the interaction between the cast/characters.
Until the next time that I run off to the library!
2:31 PM
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Thursday, September 23, 2004
And in other news
- Still no job yet.
- Still hoping something will pan out or I'll be hitting the convenience stores and grocery stores sometime around the 1st, since money is kind of important.
- Birthday lunch for a friend tomorrow. Yay! Birthday lunch at an Indian food place--the only ethnic food I don't like. Not so yay. Anyone have any suggestions on something that's not filled with caradom (however you spell that) since I think that's what I don't like.
- Allen made actual steps to take his GED (he's just waiting for a test date now) and got a job (starts on Tuesday)!
- Nikki started her externship (that's what they call it, I swear) at the hospital ER last week. She's loving the experience. Aside from that, she's doing very well in school. Also, she and a bunch of female friends decided to heck with finding a date for Homecoming this year. They are exchanging dresses amongst themselves (so no one is wearing something they've worn before) and going together without dates. She sounds very excited about it--more so than when she's had a date for the dance in the past.
- Daniel seems to be doing well in school (we'll see when the midterms come out). More importantly, he's getting along wonderfully with Jerry and with Jerry's boys, especially Corwin. They've gotten him into gaming and he's pretty much obsessed with creating new characters. He's also playing chess every day and even taught Allen how to play.
- Damn, I'm happy. *contented sigh* Not exactly sure why or how Jerry puts up with me and mine, but I'm very happy that he does, since I love him to death.
Edit
Having just checked out the board to see what I've missed, I'm now sad. It doesn't seem to matter to most anyone that I'm not around anymore. Oh well. A few people actually remember me, but that's it. I appreciate you guys that do, though. *hugs*
10:52 AM
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And the stalker speaks!
Ferg:
To: tkferguson@excite.com
Date: Mon, 20 Sep 2004 12:52:43 +0000
Subject: Re: To Clarify
Tina,
(First, let's open with a little attempted emotional manipulation!)
I'll keep this brief and to the point. I know that what happened has been something you have wanted for years and so it did not surprise me overly. I will and have abided by your wishes until you were not checking in with my father, and I needed to call. I respectfully request that you abide by mine.
1) Do not go through my family. My dad does not know why you are using him, and I request that you don't. I know you wish I never existed and want it to be that way....then leave my family out of it.
(Note: Whenever Ferg calls, his dad tells him that he hasn't talked to me so that Ferg doesn't ask him any questions about me that he doesn't want to answer. Also note that I called after reading this and offered to not bother them anymore if they were uncomfortable with contact with me and they insisted that I keep in touch and keep them informed on how me and the kids are doing. Oh, and don't you love that little bit about "wishing he never existed"???)
2) Same goes for my friends. There is no reason for you to use channels that are not your own. If you think for some wild reason that you don't want me to get your address or something, because I want to go and track you down to talk you out of anything you're wrong.....but if you need to go through someone for your own sanity, use your family or friends.
3)Only use my __________ account if you wish to reach me. I doubt the other will be on much longer as I doubt that you paid them or turned in there (sic) gear.
(Don't forget a big closer! Really go for the pity party/emotional manipulation!!!)
You have had feelings of anger and hatred for me for years, and I wish that I had never done anything to harbor those. Obviously, I have done more then that. I would never have thought that you would enjoy stomping over someone injured, yet it seems that even me gettting run over in a crosswalk by an SUV wasn't enough for you to take a swing at. I'm just sorry that when it destroyed my knee, you were looking for something more. It does you an injustice and you have always been better then that. If you really wish to see me harmed, please let those feelings go.
I hope the rest of your life goes better then the last ten years have gone for you. Know that I wish only the best for you, and hope you find what you are looking for.
(Awwwwwww! And I really believe that, too. Why I can just feel the love wrapping me in a big fuzzy blanket all the way through the screen!)
My Reply:
Date: Tue, 21 Sep 2004 16:49:54 -0400
From: Tina Ferguson
[ Add to Address Book | Block Address | Report as Spam ]
To: <___________________>
Cc: <___________________>
Subject: Re: To Clarify
then leave my family out of it.
Your family has always said that if anything happened between you and me, that they didn't want to lose contact with me. If nothing else, I figured they'd have your address and/or phone number. If they tell me that they don't want to talk to me, that's fine, but I think it's up to them to decide. Considering you still talk to my daughter on a regular basis and even expect to have dinner with her, I don't see what your problem is. (I won't even bother to address the other stuff proceeding that because I tried to make things work for years and if you choose not to see that, whatever. Everything is always someone else's fault and you're always the victim, I know. I told you once if you didn't want me to leave, you needed to stop drinking and go to counseling with me. You made your choice when you refused to do either and it's all water under the bridge now.)
Same goes for my friends.
Other than contacting Suj and Paul before I left to try to find someone that could hold onto some of your stuff for you and make sure that your electronics weren't in an uncontrolled environment, I haven't contacted any of them. So where that comes from, I don't know, unless you didn't want me to make the effort to make sure that your stuff was stored (paid for 2 months worth when I couldn't afford it) and that the most precious stuff to you (your computer, for instance) was safe. I haven't contacted either of them since then. I guess me making the effort to make sure your stuff was safe as possible doesn't play into the view of the hate-filled woman that's just out to get you. Sorry about that.
I doubt the other will be on much longer as I doubt that you paid them or turned in there (sic) gear.
Paid them with what? You cleaned out the bank account in less than 2 weeks and threw it into over $500 worth of overdraft! Almost $400 of that was to bars and liquor stores in less than a month! You borrowed money that Nik desperately needed without telling me until afterwards. You borrowed money from your family. You went through all of that in a matter of days. I had no money to pay anyone anything and if it were up to you, I'd be living under an overpass right now. So I'm sorry if you're inconvenienced by the fact that I didn't pay the bills but I couldn't get in contact with the magic money fairies and no one was willing to take pocket lint in exchange. (And before you even mention the $400, which was the only money you sent in the time you were gone, that went to Nikki, where it belonged. Believe me, I have no doubt who is going to be stuck with paying the entire amount due Mr. Cheng, who was as kind and patient as anyone could ask considering his own circumstances and doesn't deserve to be screwed over--and it's not you.)
Only use my _________@excite account if you wish to reach me.
Fine
Obviously, I have done more then that. I would never have thought that you would enjoy stomping over someone injured, yet it seems that even me gettting run over in a crosswalk by an SUV wasn't enough for you to take a swing at. I'm just sorry that when it destroyed my knee, you were looking for something more.
Get over yourself. I'm sorry you were hurt and expressed shock to Nikki when she told me about it. If it really did destroy any part of you, I'm very sorry to hear that and I hope you recover quickly. It didn't change the fact that I knew you weren't going to honor your promise to her and I've known it from the very first time she mentioned it. She was so sure you'd keep it to her, though. Don't worry--I got her money and I'm sending it to her. And don't worry in the future about making her anymore promises of how you're going to pay for this and that for her. We both know you might mean it at the time but you'll never keep it. Something much more important--a computer game you have to own or pay-per-view fight you have to see--will come up and you'll have to "see if you can pay her in a couple of weeks".
I've discovered that I can't file for a divorce until I've lived here for 180 days. If you want to do it sooner, that's fine. If you want me to bear the brunt of the costs, expect something in the mail in about 4.5 months. If you don't want me to go through your parents or your friends to get it to you (since I don't know where you'll be), leave an address with Nikki.
Now, if we're done sniping at each other, perhaps we can just ignore each other until that time comes. (Don't worry, I'm not asking for anything from you--even for you to actually pay your fair share of the debts. Which pretty much leaves me stuck with what you did to my bank account and the money we owe to Mr. Cheng.)
I hope your knee heals soon and that any other injuries you sustained will too. Take care.
Tina
_______________________________________________________________________
I wonder what he thinks, hearing stuff I think and never say for fear of how he'll react. I also wonder if he realizes just how much he doesn't want to get into a war of words with me, since up until now, I've been playing pretty nice. Hopefully, he'll get the message and just leave me alone!
10:15 AM
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Sunday, September 19, 2004
Apparently, he can't take a clue when it hits him in the face
Somehow, Ferg found out my new phone number. I had changed it in part because I needed a local number and in a big part because he was calling 10-15 times a day. The only people that have it say they didn't tell him. Whatever. However he got it, he left me a drunken message that I found the other morning. It was pretty nasty, but the gist of it was that he wasn't going to send Nik the $200 he promised her because he's not paying my daughter's "damn child support" so I better find someone else willing to do it or come up with the money myself.
After some internal debate over whether or not to reply (and how), I left a message on his machine when I knew he'd be at work...
Just got your message and wanted to give you a response. Not to upset your carefully revised history or anything, but you're the one that told Nik that you thought I was doing badly financially and that you wanted to "help me out" but I wouldn't take your calls. I told Nik that I didn't want a dime of your money, but if you were that anxious to send money, it would help me out if he sent $200 to Nik since I don't have a job yet. Then I told her not to hold her breath because you haven't kept a promise in 10 years. Well, you've kept them to your friends, but apparently, your wife and kids don't fall into that category. So the first of September rolls around and I asked Nik if you'd sent her anything. Of course you hadn't because of some accident you had, but you'd send it on the 15th. I told her that I highly doubted she see a bit of money from you and to call me on the 16th or 17th and let me know if you'd actually followed through on something. I also told her that I'd figure out some way to get $200 to send her if you acted like I figured you would--and you certainly have, haven't you?
Finally, let's get something straight. I realize you're having a wonderful time telling all your drinking buddies that I'm a golddigging bitch that stole your money and lied to you and now I'm trying to soak you for more. Unfortunately, I don't want your money; I don't need your money; and even if you promised to send me some, I wouldn't believe a word of it anyway. I may not have a job yet, but I'd rather live in the streets than accept a single dollar from you.
Oh, and I don't know how you got my new number, but don't call it anymore. I DON'T want to talk to you.
Believe it or not, I said that in a fairly even (if angry-sounding) tone of voice. I didn't curse or scream. I just finally told him one of the hard truths about what I think of him. He hasn't called back.
On a nicer note, I might finally have a line on a job! Woohoo!
2:59 PM
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Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Having finally gotten ahold of a computer...
- Still no job. Beginning to feel like What's-His-Name in the Secret Diaries of LOTR--"Still not king." Then again, I'm neither beating on ogres nor secretly lusting after hobbits (Sam would kill me), so maybe I'm not too much like him.
- Allen had a good weekend from the looks of his neck. Either that or he was attacked with a vacuum cleaner and lost. Considering how late the girl calls and/or stays on the phone, I guess I should have considered that she might be a vampire.
- Got registered at the VA today--now I just have to wait forever for an appointment and hope the meds don't run out before then. I was told, though, that if I do completely run out of meds before then, I can come and sit and wait to be seen by "Urgent" Care (read: "We'll get to you sometime today, hopefully" Care).
- BEST. BIRTHDAY. EVER.
- Kill Bill Vol. 1 and Kill Bill Vol. 2 movie matinee went off fairly well. Most of the people invited arrived, if not exactly on time. However, I've been told that my movie education is sadly neglected because I've never seen The Magnificent Seven or the movie that inspired it, The Seven Samurai. There's some other movie that's based on the Samurai one, too, so I think that's our next movie matinee.
- I miss everyone! Call me or SOMETHING! (Yes, the number has changed, but the email hasn't and I'd be happy to send you my new number!)
2:23 PM
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Monday, September 06, 2004
Quite possibly the most boring update EVER
Hmmmmmmmmm....I haven't updated recently because 1) I don't have internet at home yet; and 2) I haven't had much new to post.
- No job yet, but I have new things circled in the classifieds, so hopefully that will change. There is also a job fair on the 13th. The temp agency hasn't called even once--I'm not impressed.
- My birthday is going to be on Friday, September 10th. There should be enough candles on the cake to alert the fire department if we're not careful.
So far, my plans are all day at home with Jerry (he's taking the day off and Allen and Daniel will be in Illinois and school, respectively) *grin*
- Allen is going to Illinois to visit his gf and his other friends next weekend. I love him, but I can't say that I'm not looking forward to a bit of a break. He's mentioned possibly renting a room from his gf's dad and working for his plumbing company. But then, his plans for the future change daily, so who knows?
- Nikki informed me last night that she plans to only spend part of winter break with me and part with her dad. I told her the tickets for different departure cities will be expensive and I don't know how I can manage that. Her response? "Well, you and Dad need to talk about it and arrange things soon, since it gets more expensive the closer you get and I'M not paying for it." In other words, I come up with a buttload of money or I don't get to see her.
This isn't in the vein of her occasional bouts of self-absorbtion. She's been very distant and cold on the phone lately and always sounds very pissed off at me. However, when I ask her what's wrong, she just says, "Nothing!"
*sigh*
- Speaking of my daughter, she's not getting too clobbered by Hurricane Frances, though I got snipped at yesterday (Sunday) for "not calling and asking if she were okay--after all her dad and Ferg did". I told her that I had been out most of the day and the last I'd heard prior to that was that it wasn't even going to hit Tallahassee. Aside from that, I'd planned to call her today and ask how she was doing, she just beat me to it by calling yesterday. I don't know. Maybe she feels I'm neglecting her or don't care or something.
- Other than that sort of thing, I'm extremely, sickeningly happy, in case anyone was concerned about my absence. I've just been a bit...busy *wicked grin*
1:27 PM
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